Up All Night

So I have been up since 1. Pain will do that to you. I am just thankful it was not anxiety related. My psychiatrist recently changed my anxiety meds and I feel much better. And not foggy in my brain. So win win.

She also changed up my meds for my bipolar. Added Saphris. Seems to be making a difference. For the last few months I have been yoyoing with my emotions.

Not only that but Taz has been sick. My 12 year old Yorkie. He was dx with diabetes October 29 of last year. His blood sugar had been bad. Like we took good bye pictures and I had a cremator picked out. Then our vet sent us to a specialist. He has worked wonders with my baby. He initially put Taz on 3 units of insulin. He had been on 9. Dr Bondy said he didn't want to chase a number. He wanted to see improvement in his life. Less water intake. Less peeing. Fewer signs of diabetes. There was a change almost immediately. This last visit he did a doggie a1c test which showed his blood sugar has been running low. LOW!!!!! We dropped him to 2.5 units and will retest in 3 weeks.

Taz will also see an ophthalmologist because he has cataracts in both eyes.

Then on top of all that Greg was in KY for 3 months. He got to come home on the weekends or if I needed him. Which I tried to be independent. I had a couple friends help get me places.

Overall I think I did pretty good. No hospitalizations. Which usually happens when Greg is gone. I think Taz needing me helped.

I have started a new work book with my therapist with the ACT method. I see her today. Good luck, right?

The Second Beginning

Thanks for joining me!

Good company in a journey makes the way seem shorter. — Izaak Walton

Up All Night

I've been up since 1 am.  Pain will do that to you.  I am just thankful it is not anxiety keeping me up tonight.  My psychiatrist just changed my anxiety meds again and it seems to be the trick.  My anxiety levels are down and that is a miracle considering all that has been going on in my life the last few months.

First off, my bipolar hasn't been stable.  I've been swinging emotionally, not as bad as before but still swinging.  Dr. just added Saphris to the combo.  It seems to be making me feel really hngngry.  I just have to tell myself it is the medicine..  I am not really hungry.

New adventure

So I have embarked on a new adventure. I just spent 10 days in a psychiatric hospital due to my bipolar. I learned a lot. About me. About coping. About what I need to do to change my life. Bipolar is tough. But I am going to be tougher. I will win. And will not be defeated by this. I met some awesome women there that were fighting similar battles. I am not alone. 

Next week I will start running my days differently. The rest of this week will be doctor appointments. For those that have supported me through this journey, I can never thank you enough. Y'all kept me going. 

Free to be me

I have been using songs a little bit lately. Maybe it is the mood I have been in, or just the way God is communicating with me.

Little bit about me for those that don't know me. I can be different. I am quiet. Until you know, or get me really caffienated. Then I can be chatty. I am not a fan of small talk. And I am pretty picky when it comes to people I let close to me. I learned the hard way you have to be careful on those you let influence you. I think you need to be true to yourself and what you believe. But, since my beliefs aren't mainstream, that can make me an outcast at times.

Worn

http://smarturl.it/8bq7jd


This song by Tenth Avenue North is amazing and perfectly describes where my life and faith has been.

Lyrics
'm tired 
I'm worn 
My heart is heavy
From the work it takes to keep on breathing

I've made mistakes 
I've let my hope fail
My soul feels crushed
By the weight of this world
And I know that you can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn

I know I need 
To lift my eyes up
But I'm too weak
Life just won't let up
And I know that You can give me rest
So I cry out with all that I have left

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Cause I'm worn

And my prayers are wearing thin
I'm worn even before the day begins
I'm worn I've lost my will to fight
I'm worn so heaven come and flood my eyes 

Let me see redemption win
Let me know the struggle ends
That you can mend a heart that's frail and torn

I want to know a song can rise
From the ashes of a broken life
And all that's dead inside can be reborn
Yes all that's dead inside will be reborn
Though I'm worn 
Yeah I'm worn

Wow, it has been a while.

Welcome back to my blog.  A lot has changed in my life.  I have changed. I went away because I developed symptoms of bipolar and just didn't know how to deal.  To be honest, I still don't know how to equate God with all the suffering I have been through.  I know there is a way.  I know am learning grace, something I lacked before.  I was harsh.  Especially  with unbelievers.  Now, I know they need love more than me.

Greg and I have settled which is nice.  No moving for a while. We have THREE dogs now.  Taz our yorkie, Samson our bichon, and Abby our pain in the rear German Shepherd.:)I love my babies.

My Behcet's had been in remission until recently.  Now it is creeping back.  Ugh.  Our life is really so day to day.  I never know how I will feel, so we enjoy the good days and try not to feel bad for the bad ones.

I am going to try to get back into blogging so maybe it will take a little off my facebook page. If anyone has any questions feel free to ask!