The marriage fairytale

So, I need to vent. Marriage is NOT a fairy tale. Contrary to so many of Hollywood's romance movies. In real life, the guy doesn't come along and constantly sweep his partner off her feet. In a real relationship, life happens. Sometimes there are financial difficulties. Or health problems. Or sometimes you don't agree on important issues. Or one of you don't like an in-law. Life happens. Compromise MUST happen. Chances are you are not going to like some things you partner does. But you know want, it will be this way in EVERY relationship you have. The secret to being happy, is learning to live with some of these. Pick your battles. Chances are you aren't the easiest to live with too! :) hearing the news go on and on about the Kim Kardashian divorce has made me think. All the reasons given for their separation simply come down to them being inflexible, having too high.of expecting, and being extremely  selfish. Their "problems" are nothing unusual. Marriage is not going to be perfect. But if you can accept that, and your spouses flaws, then you have a fighting chance. If there is a problem, TALK about it. It is amazing what communication can accomplish. Greg and I have a rule, if either of us is.feeling heated (usually me), we have a 15 minute rule. We stop talking and walk away. It keep US from saying something we shouldn't. I calm down fast. It isn't hard. How can I be mad at him for anything, when I am just as bad? God has forgiven for so.much worse than what I am upset over and focusing on that, usually does wonders!  Before you go and abandon your marriage.because things aren't exactly how you envisioned it, why not look at your expectations? Or your actions? The grass that looks greener on the other side is just better maintained!

Hope

I have recently been reminded how important hope is. Honestly, I hadn't even noticed that I had lost hope. Hope in the future, of feeling better, just of things changing. Until my husband pointed out that I talk about things like they are finished. It may feel like it, but I am not going to always be sick. Things will change. No matter how bleak today is, there is hope that tomorrow will be better. At least as long as I am alive. Lol.

Do you know how I can be so confident? Because God is a God of hope. Check out Romans 8. But it isn't "hope" if I see it. And worse case scenario, life isn't great.......I know there is hope when I die. I know Who I will spend eternity with. Nothing else should matter. So in light of THAT, and not of my present circumstances, I am going to choose hope. To believe that things can be better. Life without hope is aimless. Pointless. And extremely depressing. Trust me. I have tried it.

Long time, no post!

I am back! I am now in an area where I have great signal, so I will start posting again :)
Quick update, we are now in Maryland. Greg is working at a plant here. He works a lot. Busy little bee. I started Zumba. Love it! So much fun. I had just recently found a church. I may still drive, it is about half an hour away. The preaching is just awesome. It is harder than you would think to find a preacher that preacher the word of His for what it is. Not what he would have. Or to make everyone feel good. This preacher is good.
Anyways, how have y'all been?

One Step at a Time

I have a saying I use a lot. Fake it till you make it. I will fully admit....I don't always "feel" like I want to do things. I may not always feel close to God. or Greg. or friends. or like cleaning. I have managed to allow those feelings to consume my relationships and dictate my actions. The more I choose to give in to those feelings, the further I drift.
When it comes to my relationship with God, it has gotten so cold (on my part) at times I wondered if I would ever find my way back. I didn't want to go to church, pray, read my Bible. And looking at where I had allowed myself to arrive and where I knew I wanted to be was flat out overwhelming. Ever been there? For some people it is in your marriage. Or a friendship. Or a parent-child relationship. But you know what? ONE STEP AT A TIME. If you just do SOMETHING, and you make effort, it is amazing at how the emotions will catch up. The more time you devote to a relationship, spiritual or physical, the more you will find yourself wanting to devote to it.
I started going to church, whether I felt like it or not. I knew God had not changed. He never changes. I prayed. Even if it was something super short. It was a start. And you know, it took a while but I found myself WANTING to spend time with God. Praying more often and for longer. Wanting to go to church.
The same goes for a relationship. Take one step. After that first step, it get SO much easier. ANY relationship can be saved. Seek God. Seek the good of the other person. Everything else will fall into place.

The other side of Mother's Day

I have gone back and forth about sharing this. This has been a private struggle of mine for 4 years. Only a few people know about this. But I know without a doubt I am NOT the only woman that has this struggle, if I give a new perspective maybe I can help someone.

Mother's Day is about celebrating all the Mothers out there. But for me, and all those other women that don't/can't have children, Mother's Day is another painful reminder of what we so desperately want. Due to my illness and the meds I must take, I am unable to have children. The future is up in the air. My health has definitely not cooperated. Adoption is expensive and not an option at this point. Maybe in a few years. I know God knows all things and has a plan for us. That knowledge though does not seem to help with the pain of the situation. Most people don't understand. It is really hard being around babies. Or pregnant women.

Mother's Day kind of brings it all to a head. Years before I was married I remember a co worker talking about how she would lay out of church on Mother's Day because it was too painful to be reminded of what she couldn't have. I thought she was being silly. But I understand now. But it makes me wonder how many women are suffering in silence? This is such an emotional subject, I know it is hard to talk about. But how about this Mother's Day, remembering ALL women. Those that WANT to be Mothers, and that in their own way, are.

I am lucky, I have my little guys. Taz, Ben, and Samson. My dogs get treated like children and help to fill that void a little. All our nephews and niece help too. And prayerfully, God will bless us with a little one someday. And I pray that He give peace to every woman this Mother's Day, those that have children and those that do not.

He is Risen!

Sunrise Service. Must say, I have never actually stopped to think about the meaning of these services. I have only attended two. But for some reason, the entire week leading up to the remembrance of this amazing event has taken on a whole new meaning.

What would it have been like to have been there that morning so many years ago? Those ladies prepared to go take care of the body of their master after the extended Sabbath. Can you imagine their surprise? Their excitement? The prophecy had come to pass. Then they had to go tell EVERYONE. HE WAS ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!

But you know, He is as alive today as He was that day. Tomorrow, as we Christians celebrate the Resurrection of our Lord, let us remember that fact. HE IS ALIVE.

For those that have not accepted the wonderful gift of forgiveness He offers, He came to this earth all those years ago and suffered and died to bear the burden of YOUR sins. He died to break the chains of death. The chains of sin. And then He rose from the dead to free us from those sins. This Easter He offers you a fresh start. A new way of life.

For me, Easter will mean so much more than it ever has before. And I am so thankful to the Lord for what He has done for me. Because He loved me when I wanted nothing to do with Him and was determined to do things my way.  If it wasn't for what He did on the cross of Calvary, I would still be so lost in my sins, without Him, I am nothing. And for that, I am eternally grateful.

Jesus said to him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me." -- John 14:6 (NKJV)

My Dream

So, what is my dream? I was thinking about this earlier. It can be pretty easy to get so caught up in life that you lose sight of YOU. Well, to be healthy was my very first thought. That will direct so much about my future.

That says a lot about where my thinking has gotten lately. My health does not direct the course of my future. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, They are plans for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

But allowing myself to get distracted from my true purpose on this earth has really shaken me. The verse 1 Peter 1:16 for it is written, Be holy because I am holy.

As a child of God, my one true dream should be to seek to be like him. Jesus Christ should be my priority. Not me. Not my husband. Not my dogs. Not even my church. My relationship with Him comes first. But you know, that can be hard. There are so many things that try and come between that. The health issues I have faced seem so important. And I have felt the need to be in control of of it. I guess it just makes me feel better. But no matter what I do, I am not in control of it. Not really. So instead of worrying, I should be worshipping the one that is in control of all things.

I know there is no guarantee that life is going to be wonderful by putting Him first in all things. But, I will be equipped to handle whatever I face. I will be able to deal with it with peace, joy, grace. I know it. The Lord promises it in His Word.

And there are a few steps simple steps to getting closer to Him. Spend time with Him. Talk to Him. Pray. Read His Word. You will come to LOVE it. If you think coffee is addictive, watch out!!!  Meditate. Spend quiet time alone thinking on the things you have learned about Him and about all the good things He has done for you. Spend time with other believers. Join a Bible study. Separate yourself from negative influences in your life. This is painful. Trust me, I know. But it is essential.

Funny thing is, when I was first saved, I did all these things. I guess I just let life creep in and crowd Him out. But that is not what I want. I want more of God. I do not want to live a life of complacency. I want to grow, to learn, to serve, to love. But most of all, I want to be holy, as He is holy. What better testament to Him is there?

Don't take the little things for granted!

I remember the day Greg proposed. He got down on one knee and pulled that ring out of his pocket. WOW!!! I was SHOCKED!! And let me tell you....He picked out a gorgeous ring. I was SO proud to show it off. To me, that ring really meant something. I was HIS. It was a beautiful display of our amazing relationship. And every single person that I met got to see it.

Well, it has been 3 1/2 years. And I still do that. But really, how often do we let the wonder of those amazing things fade in our lives? These two rings mean the same thing now that they did then. Honestly, they mean more. We have been through more as a couple. Our relationship is stronger. I can't tell you how many time a day I look at my left hand and smile. I almost still cannot believe that I am lucky enough to call myself Mrs. Hall!

But I am going to admit that there are time that I allow life to creep in. I allow myself to get frustrated. And instead of looking at all the amazing things that about my husband and our life together, I gripe about little things that do not matter. I overlook the one that do matter.

I am really trying to refocus. Because that is where the problem is. What you think about. Are you thinking about the negative in your spouse or the positive? Because whatever you are thinking about is what WILL come out of you mouth and how you will behave.

Greg makes thinking about the positive really easy. And you know, I really hope I never lose that amazement I get at hearing myself referred to as Mrs. Hall. Or seeing my wedding rings. Or seeing him smile. Or cuddling up with him as we drift off to sleep. Because God has truly blessed me with such a wonderful man. And I am so blessed to be able to share this life with him. I pray I never take all these little things, or him, for granted.

My Story

For those of you not familiar with my favorite story here it is, the story of how I got saved :)

I was 16 and working at a local radio station on Sundays. All days Sundays. I was quite far from God. My friends weren't Christian, I smoked, I drank, I cussed. And I thought all these things were cool. At least, I was trying to. It wasn't how I really was. I never was a "bad" girl. It just isn't me. I can try as hard as I want, but it just isn't natural! I guess for that, I am lucky.

Anyways, for the most, most of the people that came in the radio station paid me no attention, or were rude to me. I was young. And didn't act right. I was polite. But still, not up to there standards. But there were a few that really reached out to me. And I must say it made a HUGE impact on my life. Apart from the people there, I had this one friend in my life, Stephanie, that was really trying to steer me in the right direction. I will NEVER forget all these people and the role the played in my life.

There was this one song. I have tried and tried, but can't remember the name of it. But the song talked about Jesus dying on the cross, stealing the keys to the grave, and leading a victory march. Something in that song touched me.

And one day, all by myself in that radio station I heard the Lord speak to me. I knew I was living in sin. And I was so incredibly sorry for it. The fact that He was SO HOLY and I was so sinful overwhelmed me. I can't really remember anyone "talking" to me about salvation. But I KNEW. I knew I needed a Savior. I knew I needed saving. I was in trouble. I was headed down a path that I didn't want to be on. And I WANTED God. I wanted want He had to offer. I wanted to change. So there in that little booth I knelt. Yes, I felt so awkward. But it didn't matter. I had no clue what exactly to say. But I trusted God to fill in the blanks. He knew what I meant. I knew He did. And I have NO CLUE how I knew it. I knelt down there and asked Him to forgive Him of my sins. I told Him I needed Him. I asked Him to be MY Savior. To be my Life.

Let me tell you. EVERYTHING changed. I quit smoking, cussing, and drinking that day. No one had to tell me to. It was just what I needed to do. After a few rough starts, I found an awesome church family. I "quit" all the friends that had held me down and really hurt me for a long time. Let me tell you, that was HARD. But I knew for me to really give my all to God, I had to dump my baggage.

I fell in love. But that sure didn't mean I didn't make mistakes. That love made sure I kept getting back up and serving Him. And that love will keep moving me forward no matter what I face. Because I only love Him because He first loved me. :)

Breaking Our Box

I heard an incredibly moving sermon Sunday. The scripture is Mark 26:1-13

1When Jesus had finished saying all these things, he said to his disciples, 2“As you know, Passover begins in two days, and the Son of Man^a will be handed over to be crucified.”

3At that same time the leading priests and elders were meeting at the residence of Caiaphas, the high priest, 4plotting how to capture Jesus secretly and kill him. 5“But not during the Passover celebration,” they agreed, “or the people may riot.”

Jesus Anointed at Bethany

6Meanwhile, Jesus was in Bethany at the home of Simon, a man who had previously had leprosy. 7While he was eating,^b a woman came in with a beautiful alabaster jar of expensive perfume and poured it over his head.

8The disciples were indignant when they saw this. “What a waste!” they said. 9“It could have been sold for a high price and the money given to the poor.”

10But Jesus, aware of this, replied, “Why criticize this woman for doing such a good thing to me? 11You will always have the poor among you, but you will not always have me. 12She has poured this perfume on me to prepare my body for burial. 13I tell you the truth, wherever the Good News is preached throughout the world, this woman’s deed will be remembered and discussed.”

Now, many of us have heard this preached. This preacher took a different angle. A more personal angle. 

He compared our lives to the fragrance inside that jar. Until the jar was broken, you couldn't smell it. You couldn't appreciate the beauty and the depth that was there. 

How often at church do we say hi. Ask how we are doing. But how often do we TRULY mean it? We compliment each other. Nice dress, pretty hair, powerful suit. But do anything of those things matter? So many times we don't want to make OURSELVES uncomfortable and truly reach out to others. Break ourselves for the sake of another person. Even if it is just as simple as telling another you are praying for them. Sitting quietly by in your little comfort zone while you fellow brothers and sisters in Christ are hurting wrong. It is being lukewarm. It is not allowing yourself to truly be broken for the cause of Christ. And it is not just for our brethren. But unbelievers. We are to show love. And this is a first step. 

Next time you ask how someone is doing, don't do so while walking away. Look them in the eye. Mean it. You may be the only person that does. 

We never know the battle that another person may be facing. And NEVER assume other people have reached out. I found out that a lot of people were praying for me. And I mean a lot. I was stunned. I had no idea. No one had told me. I mean I had family member and some friends and people that are going through similar circumstances. I have actually felt quite alone. But now I see I wasn't. And that REALLY matters.

ANY kind of battle, whether physical, mental, spiritual, marital, family, etc has a habit of making you feel isolated and alone. So there is a need for others to reach out. And yes, that can require a sacrifice on our part at times. But it is really worth it. 

Breaking ourselves before God can a lasting legacy. Look at the story of Mary.

The Walk

I have been thinking a lot lately about our walks here on earth. God knows the way our paths will go and has a plan to use us. He wasn't suprised by sins I have committed that I was for sure would derail everything.
I am facing some uncertain things. I got a bad report from an MRI and I think that plays into this a little. The doctors that I am seeing have no clue what is going on. And i must admit I am pretty scared. But you know something that is so comforting for me. God is not suprised. While He did not bring this into my life, He WILL use it for His glory. He will use it to mold me more into His image. It is in the refiner's fire that we are made pure. And through all these trials and experiences, I will be able to hold someone else's hand while they struggle with understanding a devastating illness. God can use these times to make us aware of how incredibly incompotent we are and how much we need Him. I sure know I do. And I am far from through the fire. I still do not get it. But that is the beauty of faith. You do not have to. You simply have to trust in the One with the Plan. I may not know the whole story, but I know how it ends as long as I keep the faith in Jesus Christ. VICTORY!

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Being Selective

I have learned the last few months how important it is to be selective about what is allowed in your life. Allowing the wrongs things can do more damage than you initially realize.

Television can change the way you view the world. If you are a Christian, we are to have a God-view of things. Everything should be filtered through the Bible. TV and Music can both distort the truth. I know a lot of people say, "but it is just entertainment." THAT IS WHAT MAKES IT SO DANGEROUS. It brings your guard down. I am just watching a romance. Instead, it leaves you thinking about all the things your spouse doesn't do and you end up fighting or nagging (been there). Or an idea that is CLEARLY spoken against in the Bible is sympathetically portrayed to the point you accept it. I have seen it and people don't even realize it. It is not just entertainment. I know I can do better making my choices. But I am trying.

Also, friends. Listening to people that are always miserable, always negative, always complaining. It can affect you. Read Proverbs. We are to be careful who we surround ourselves with. No one is immune. If you CHOOSE to be around it, that kind of behavior does rub of. Trust me. Do not learn this the hard way. I have.

But most importantly, if you feed your love for God constantly, none of the rest of these will have any hold on you. I must say I am not quite to this point yet. But I am taking steps. More Bible study time. Greg and I are doing a marriage study at church and are dedicating the next seven weeks to building not just our relationship, but God's. Will you take this journey with us? I will share here what we do. We will be going through the love dare with our church beginning next week. Have you done it before?

What are your tips for keeping your relationship with God strong and keeping the devil at bay in your life?

May God bless you

Indifference

Bear with me while I work through a few thoughts on this one :)

I think I have finally pinpointed what annoys me so much about people around the southern Alabama and why. It is not that they are overly rude. Usually. It is the indifference. No one seems to care about anyone else. No one takes an interest in anyone else's life. It's me me me me me. What an incredibly sad way to live. See, where I come from it is MUCH different. People are polite. And I have really let it bother me. REALLY bother me.

But, I think it has bothered me because I too have become indifferent to many things in my life. Particularly to God. Years ago, I had such a passion and fire for God. He was the only thing that mattered in my life. I didn't care what anyone thought about me. I stood for the truth and didn't give it a second thought. Whatever His will was, I wanted.

The last few years, I find this harder and harder. I know where it started. Four years ago, when I got sick, I was abandoned by the church I was attending. And I must say, it hurt more than anything I have gone through in my Christian walk. I was really angry for a while. Once the anger left, indifference stayed. But you know, indifference will kill you. I guess you can also call it being lukewarm. God actually speaks pretty harshly about it in Revelation.

Every single person that is called by HIS name should have a fire for Him and His kingdom and seeing people brought into His kingdom. I know I can't go back. But, I will move forward, focusing only on my next step. So, I am starting by learning to love His Word again. I find it is a lot like coffee. The more of it I consume, the more I need. The more excited I get about the thought of the next time I get to read. I know I also used to LOVE to drive around and crank the worship music and just sing my heart out to the Lord. There was just so much love in there for Him.

I really am not sure what my future holds, but I know I cannot continue to live like this. I also know I need to find some STRONG Christian women to have in my life. Since I was first saved, I have always dreamed of an older mentor. But it seems, that is incredibly hard to come by. Has anyone ever had a relationship like this before?

Greg and I are starting a class at church before Sunday night service called "Fireproofing Your Marriage." I am excited. Maybe we can meet some other couples!! Anyone ever done the study?

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Provision

I had no clue what is was like to be a Millwright wife when i met Greg. But boy have i learned. It is full of uncertainty and changes. So many jobs don't last as long as promised and some last so much longer.
We are currently in AL, When we came down here, it was for 12 weeks. That was in October 2009. :) Prior to that, work was scarce. But through it all, i have found that God has really taken care of us. Doors have opened just in the nick of time.
I never imagined how incredibly thankful i could be to have such a trying life. God has really taught me to trust Him. We have always had what we need, and some of what we want. Worry doesn't help. That is for sure. But trusting that the Lord has a plan. He has a way. And you know, it hasn't always been a path i would want to take. But I have learned so much.

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Sickness

This is an issue that I have really struggled with in the past, and find myself struggling with again.

When I first got sick, I was told by well meaning Christians, that it was my fault. I had sinned. Or I didn't have enough faith in God and if I would only believe enough, I would be healed. Now, I am not doubting that God can heal. I know He can. If He chooses. And I am not sick because I sinned. My sins are as far away as the east is from the west. I am sure there a lot of factors that led to where things are now.

But, none of that changes the fact that I am here. So what do I do? Hate myself because of things I have done in the past? No. Pretend nothing is going on and ignore so I SEEM spiritual? No. I think it takes more courage to face it and address it. Any kind of illness. Mine is physical. And emotional. The toll of the physical problems, and honestly, having pretty much no support in dealing with it except judgment, is hard. There are some days I wish I had people that really understood, or at least wanted to.

I am so very blessed to have an amazing husband. He is as supportive as he can be. That man is much more than I ever could have dreamed to ask God for. (See, He keeps His promises......Ephesians 3:20) :)

I really try to be "tough." But I have found the last few weeks that talking about things helps me deal with it. I have no desire for pity. Or anything even close to that. What I do want is to inform and educate about chronic illness. Not everyone is healthy. But it is possible to live a life full of joy in the face of trials. If my story can help even one person find some hope, know they are not alone, then I will shout it from the roof tops. I had someone tell me that others probably feel as alone as I do in their problems and need hope.

Now, I am taking every step I know to correct my problems. I eat a really healthy diet (most of the time). I exercise when physically able. I get regular massages and try to manage stress. I also take medication to try and lessen the damage from the disease.

I have come to a conclusion lately. I KNOW God has a plan to use everything I have gone through. HE can be glorified through my trials. I will keep my head up and keep moving forward. I am hoping to be able to do more for Him this year. I feel really strongly about that.

fresh start

So, I have had so many people tell me i need to do a blog........well, i am going to give it a shot :)
So, here is a little background on me......I am Katie, the wifey of Greg. We have three wonderful dogs. I am a child of God, saved by grace through Jesus Christ. I have a rare autoimmune condtion, Behcet's Disease, that I sometimes struggle with. I LOVE coffee. And ice cream.
Think i will leave it at that for tonight!

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