I have a saying I use a lot. Fake it till you make it. I will fully admit....I don't always "feel" like I want to do things. I may not always feel close to God. or Greg. or friends. or like cleaning. I have managed to allow those feelings to consume my relationships and dictate my actions. The more I choose to give in to those feelings, the further I drift.
When it comes to my relationship with God, it has gotten so cold (on my part) at times I wondered if I would ever find my way back. I didn't want to go to church, pray, read my Bible. And looking at where I had allowed myself to arrive and where I knew I wanted to be was flat out overwhelming. Ever been there? For some people it is in your marriage. Or a friendship. Or a parent-child relationship. But you know what? ONE STEP AT A TIME. If you just do SOMETHING, and you make effort, it is amazing at how the emotions will catch up. The more time you devote to a relationship, spiritual or physical, the more you will find yourself wanting to devote to it.
I started going to church, whether I felt like it or not. I knew God had not changed. He never changes. I prayed. Even if it was something super short. It was a start. And you know, it took a while but I found myself WANTING to spend time with God. Praying more often and for longer. Wanting to go to church.
The same goes for a relationship. Take one step. After that first step, it get SO much easier. ANY relationship can be saved. Seek God. Seek the good of the other person. Everything else will fall into place.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Friday, May 6, 2011
The other side of Mother's Day
I have gone back and forth about sharing this. This has been a private struggle of mine for 4 years. Only a few people know about this. But I know without a doubt I am NOT the only woman that has this struggle, if I give a new perspective maybe I can help someone.
Mother's Day is about celebrating all the Mothers out there. But for me, and all those other women that don't/can't have children, Mother's Day is another painful reminder of what we so desperately want. Due to my illness and the meds I must take, I am unable to have children. The future is up in the air. My health has definitely not cooperated. Adoption is expensive and not an option at this point. Maybe in a few years. I know God knows all things and has a plan for us. That knowledge though does not seem to help with the pain of the situation. Most people don't understand. It is really hard being around babies. Or pregnant women.
Mother's Day kind of brings it all to a head. Years before I was married I remember a co worker talking about how she would lay out of church on Mother's Day because it was too painful to be reminded of what she couldn't have. I thought she was being silly. But I understand now. But it makes me wonder how many women are suffering in silence? This is such an emotional subject, I know it is hard to talk about. But how about this Mother's Day, remembering ALL women. Those that WANT to be Mothers, and that in their own way, are.
I am lucky, I have my little guys. Taz, Ben, and Samson. My dogs get treated like children and help to fill that void a little. All our nephews and niece help too. And prayerfully, God will bless us with a little one someday. And I pray that He give peace to every woman this Mother's Day, those that have children and those that do not.
Mother's Day is about celebrating all the Mothers out there. But for me, and all those other women that don't/can't have children, Mother's Day is another painful reminder of what we so desperately want. Due to my illness and the meds I must take, I am unable to have children. The future is up in the air. My health has definitely not cooperated. Adoption is expensive and not an option at this point. Maybe in a few years. I know God knows all things and has a plan for us. That knowledge though does not seem to help with the pain of the situation. Most people don't understand. It is really hard being around babies. Or pregnant women.
Mother's Day kind of brings it all to a head. Years before I was married I remember a co worker talking about how she would lay out of church on Mother's Day because it was too painful to be reminded of what she couldn't have. I thought she was being silly. But I understand now. But it makes me wonder how many women are suffering in silence? This is such an emotional subject, I know it is hard to talk about. But how about this Mother's Day, remembering ALL women. Those that WANT to be Mothers, and that in their own way, are.
I am lucky, I have my little guys. Taz, Ben, and Samson. My dogs get treated like children and help to fill that void a little. All our nephews and niece help too. And prayerfully, God will bless us with a little one someday. And I pray that He give peace to every woman this Mother's Day, those that have children and those that do not.
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