No Shame

Despite what some people may think, being bipolar isn’t something to be ashamed over.  I did nothing to deserve or induce it. It is a brain disease. My brain is hard wired incorrectly. So why do I talk about it? Awareness. I went years not knowing what was wrong with me. YEARS. Crazy huh?  No one caught the ups and downs. No matter how extreme. It was just a part of life. Right? No. It isn’t. So if I can save one person from going through what I put my family through I will continue to speak out. I have nothing to be ashamed about.

Why I am not afraid to speak out about my anxiety? My Behcet’s? My fibromyalgia? My Alport? My chronic migraines? Same. If I can save ONE person from the hell I have faced in my life or let one person know they aren’t alone I will continue using my words. Again, I did NOTHING to earn, deserve, or create any of it. Including the anxiety. It is an off shoot of PTSD which I sure didn’t create. You can blame my uncle, a dead pastor, and an ex boyfriend on that. It isn’t something I would wish on my worst enemy.

But you know what, I have so shame. I don’t know when I came to this point. Maybe God brought me here, combined with good therapy and medications. But I know none of it is my fault. So I will not be silenced. I will be speaking more on God, just as a heads up. I am doing more to seek Him. I have struggled with why I have gone through all I have. It has been a heavy load to carry. Which is weird since God tells us to bring our loads to Him and He will carry them. In that I have failed Him. But I believe my calling is life is my life. Helping others is something I want more than the air I breathe. I want other that are suicidal to know they aren’t alone. I have been there. It is something I have struggled with for years. YEARS. YEARS. How I am still here is simply by the grace of God.  I can’t tell you the days that I didn’t think I could survive. You aren’t alone. None of you. You aren’t alone.

So there we go. The entirety of my new blog. I am going to be real. And try to blog often. Just like I am trying to journal. God has lead me down a path and I will walk it. I just hope you will walk it with me. I love you all and wish the best for you. Just know that God can use your struggles for good if you will let Him. And if you ever have questions about the God I speak of, I am here.  For any questions really. Just comment. We can privately talk. Get ahold of me on FaceBook. I am not of Twitter much but I will if that. I will share all my handles next go around. There are numerous ways to get ahold of me. Let’s start with my email.   Katiedids34@gmail.com or mrskatiehall@gmail.com or my cell (text only) 423-291-9307. Let me know who you are or not. We can chat. I will turn off my do not disturb tonight. So I am available whenever. I will get back to you as soon as cell signal allows. Love to you all.