Hope

I have recently been reminded how important hope is. Honestly, I hadn't even noticed that I had lost hope. Hope in the future, of feeling better, just of things changing. Until my husband pointed out that I talk about things like they are finished. It may feel like it, but I am not going to always be sick. Things will change. No matter how bleak today is, there is hope that tomorrow will be better. At least as long as I am alive. Lol.

Do you know how I can be so confident? Because God is a God of hope. Check out Romans 8. But it isn't "hope" if I see it. And worse case scenario, life isn't great.......I know there is hope when I die. I know Who I will spend eternity with. Nothing else should matter. So in light of THAT, and not of my present circumstances, I am going to choose hope. To believe that things can be better. Life without hope is aimless. Pointless. And extremely depressing. Trust me. I have tried it.

Long time, no post!

I am back! I am now in an area where I have great signal, so I will start posting again :)
Quick update, we are now in Maryland. Greg is working at a plant here. He works a lot. Busy little bee. I started Zumba. Love it! So much fun. I had just recently found a church. I may still drive, it is about half an hour away. The preaching is just awesome. It is harder than you would think to find a preacher that preacher the word of His for what it is. Not what he would have. Or to make everyone feel good. This preacher is good.
Anyways, how have y'all been?

One Step at a Time

I have a saying I use a lot. Fake it till you make it. I will fully admit....I don't always "feel" like I want to do things. I may not always feel close to God. or Greg. or friends. or like cleaning. I have managed to allow those feelings to consume my relationships and dictate my actions. The more I choose to give in to those feelings, the further I drift.
When it comes to my relationship with God, it has gotten so cold (on my part) at times I wondered if I would ever find my way back. I didn't want to go to church, pray, read my Bible. And looking at where I had allowed myself to arrive and where I knew I wanted to be was flat out overwhelming. Ever been there? For some people it is in your marriage. Or a friendship. Or a parent-child relationship. But you know what? ONE STEP AT A TIME. If you just do SOMETHING, and you make effort, it is amazing at how the emotions will catch up. The more time you devote to a relationship, spiritual or physical, the more you will find yourself wanting to devote to it.
I started going to church, whether I felt like it or not. I knew God had not changed. He never changes. I prayed. Even if it was something super short. It was a start. And you know, it took a while but I found myself WANTING to spend time with God. Praying more often and for longer. Wanting to go to church.
The same goes for a relationship. Take one step. After that first step, it get SO much easier. ANY relationship can be saved. Seek God. Seek the good of the other person. Everything else will fall into place.

The other side of Mother's Day

I have gone back and forth about sharing this. This has been a private struggle of mine for 4 years. Only a few people know about this. But I know without a doubt I am NOT the only woman that has this struggle, if I give a new perspective maybe I can help someone.

Mother's Day is about celebrating all the Mothers out there. But for me, and all those other women that don't/can't have children, Mother's Day is another painful reminder of what we so desperately want. Due to my illness and the meds I must take, I am unable to have children. The future is up in the air. My health has definitely not cooperated. Adoption is expensive and not an option at this point. Maybe in a few years. I know God knows all things and has a plan for us. That knowledge though does not seem to help with the pain of the situation. Most people don't understand. It is really hard being around babies. Or pregnant women.

Mother's Day kind of brings it all to a head. Years before I was married I remember a co worker talking about how she would lay out of church on Mother's Day because it was too painful to be reminded of what she couldn't have. I thought she was being silly. But I understand now. But it makes me wonder how many women are suffering in silence? This is such an emotional subject, I know it is hard to talk about. But how about this Mother's Day, remembering ALL women. Those that WANT to be Mothers, and that in their own way, are.

I am lucky, I have my little guys. Taz, Ben, and Samson. My dogs get treated like children and help to fill that void a little. All our nephews and niece help too. And prayerfully, God will bless us with a little one someday. And I pray that He give peace to every woman this Mother's Day, those that have children and those that do not.

He is Risen!

Sunrise Service. Must say, I have never actually stopped to think about the meaning of these services. I have only attended two. But for some reason, the entire week leading up to the remembrance of this amazing event has taken on a whole new meaning.

What would it have been like to have been there that morning so many years ago? Those ladies prepared to go take care of the body of their master after the extended Sabbath. Can you imagine their surprise? Their excitement? The prophecy had come to pass. Then they had to go tell EVERYONE. HE WAS ALIVE!!!!!!!!!!

But you know, He is as alive today as He was that day. Tomorrow, as we Christians celebrate the Resurrection of our Lord, let us remember that fact. HE IS ALIVE.

For those that have not accepted the wonderful gift of forgiveness He offers, He came to this earth all those years ago and suffered and died to bear the burden of YOUR sins. He died to break the chains of death. The chains of sin. And then He rose from the dead to free us from those sins. This Easter He offers you a fresh start. A new way of life.

For me, Easter will mean so much more than it ever has before. And I am so thankful to the Lord for what He has done for me. Because He loved me when I wanted nothing to do with Him and was determined to do things my way.  If it wasn't for what He did on the cross of Calvary, I would still be so lost in my sins, without Him, I am nothing. And for that, I am eternally grateful.

Jesus said to him, "I am the way, the truth, and the life. No one comes to the Father except through Me." -- John 14:6 (NKJV)

My Dream

So, what is my dream? I was thinking about this earlier. It can be pretty easy to get so caught up in life that you lose sight of YOU. Well, to be healthy was my very first thought. That will direct so much about my future.

That says a lot about where my thinking has gotten lately. My health does not direct the course of my future. Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, They are plans for good and not disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

But allowing myself to get distracted from my true purpose on this earth has really shaken me. The verse 1 Peter 1:16 for it is written, Be holy because I am holy.

As a child of God, my one true dream should be to seek to be like him. Jesus Christ should be my priority. Not me. Not my husband. Not my dogs. Not even my church. My relationship with Him comes first. But you know, that can be hard. There are so many things that try and come between that. The health issues I have faced seem so important. And I have felt the need to be in control of of it. I guess it just makes me feel better. But no matter what I do, I am not in control of it. Not really. So instead of worrying, I should be worshipping the one that is in control of all things.

I know there is no guarantee that life is going to be wonderful by putting Him first in all things. But, I will be equipped to handle whatever I face. I will be able to deal with it with peace, joy, grace. I know it. The Lord promises it in His Word.

And there are a few steps simple steps to getting closer to Him. Spend time with Him. Talk to Him. Pray. Read His Word. You will come to LOVE it. If you think coffee is addictive, watch out!!!  Meditate. Spend quiet time alone thinking on the things you have learned about Him and about all the good things He has done for you. Spend time with other believers. Join a Bible study. Separate yourself from negative influences in your life. This is painful. Trust me, I know. But it is essential.

Funny thing is, when I was first saved, I did all these things. I guess I just let life creep in and crowd Him out. But that is not what I want. I want more of God. I do not want to live a life of complacency. I want to grow, to learn, to serve, to love. But most of all, I want to be holy, as He is holy. What better testament to Him is there?

Don't take the little things for granted!

I remember the day Greg proposed. He got down on one knee and pulled that ring out of his pocket. WOW!!! I was SHOCKED!! And let me tell you....He picked out a gorgeous ring. I was SO proud to show it off. To me, that ring really meant something. I was HIS. It was a beautiful display of our amazing relationship. And every single person that I met got to see it.

Well, it has been 3 1/2 years. And I still do that. But really, how often do we let the wonder of those amazing things fade in our lives? These two rings mean the same thing now that they did then. Honestly, they mean more. We have been through more as a couple. Our relationship is stronger. I can't tell you how many time a day I look at my left hand and smile. I almost still cannot believe that I am lucky enough to call myself Mrs. Hall!

But I am going to admit that there are time that I allow life to creep in. I allow myself to get frustrated. And instead of looking at all the amazing things that about my husband and our life together, I gripe about little things that do not matter. I overlook the one that do matter.

I am really trying to refocus. Because that is where the problem is. What you think about. Are you thinking about the negative in your spouse or the positive? Because whatever you are thinking about is what WILL come out of you mouth and how you will behave.

Greg makes thinking about the positive really easy. And you know, I really hope I never lose that amazement I get at hearing myself referred to as Mrs. Hall. Or seeing my wedding rings. Or seeing him smile. Or cuddling up with him as we drift off to sleep. Because God has truly blessed me with such a wonderful man. And I am so blessed to be able to share this life with him. I pray I never take all these little things, or him, for granted.