Once I was blind, but now I see

So during my devotional/ Bible study time (I missed my devotional time this morning due to my Lowe’s trip) I had an epiphany. I am uncomfortable with Christ. With even thinking the words Jesus or Christ. I can readily call myself a Christian and to that I have no doubt. But I have been going through these studies that have opened my eyes. A Pruned Branch and 31 Days in the Gospel of John both by Susan Shipe. Today’s devotional was on grace. And approaching the throne of grace through the shed blood of Christ and that is when it dawned on me. I easily share every other part of my life and I will up date health info later in this blog but for now, I need to focus. This is important. The Bible study was great. About the blind man in John that Jesus made the clay and put on the man’s eyes and told to to wash in Siloam and he would be healed. It is a long story and I would suggest you read John 9 for the full backstory but it ends with ONCE I WAS BLIND BUT NOW I SEE. 

I feel like a baby Christian. I am 35 and have been a Christian since I was 17, at one time having memorized much of the Bible. Now I feel like I am starting over. And that is okay. I am excited. Like I was when I got saved. Even as I was journaling about this the devil was putting thoughts in my head that would make me angry and distract me. The Bible talks about taking every thought captive. I am not to the place where I can do that. Or maybe the fact that I know I can’t is a great place to start. Because I need Jesus Christ to do that for me. And you know what. I feel better. So you will see those words more often in my blogs. Jesus Christ. He gave so much for me. I was reading in one of the books the other day that salvation and works are directly tied. You can’t have salvation without works because salvation will drive you to good works. Due to physical limitiations I can’t commit to much but I can share. Share and share and share. I don’t know if anyone at all will read this. I never get feedback but I can do something for the One that gave His all for ME. For me. A lowly sinner. Worthless. He sees worth here. Isn’t that amazing?

My medical update isn’t quite as amazing. I have been exhausted for two weeks. Like bone deep all I can do is sleep tired. It took three doses of caffeine to get me to Lowes and back then I had to nap after lunch. Still jacked up on caffeine. Crazy huh? And then is goes away as quickly as it comes. I am ready for that part. Lol. The magic of disappearing. This isn’t the first time this has happened and probably won’t be the last. I changed anti depressants because of two reasons. I have been depressed for months and my pain is out of this world. Greg hasn’t had to refill my pain pills at their appointed time and I now have 5 left! Isn’t that great? I am changing psychiatrists. I believe. My former psychiatrist has been great just not aggressive. And I need aggressive. Or at least change. I am on too many meds. I want off some of them and he is willing to do that. I already feel less depressed. 

Greg and I are getting ready to embark on a life changing journey. Dr. Ann Meyers has a book call the Autoimmune Solution I believe. It is about completely changing your diet and supplements. It’s more than that but that is where we are starting. Plus there is this place in Nashville that does what is called "functional medicine." Kind of brings tradiontal and natural together. They do genetic and other testing to find the best way to treat and guide you I am really nervous and have dragged my feet getting the online paperwork done. But I will finish it today. I believe God is ordering my steps and as the head of this household this is the path Greg wants to take after much prayer. So I will follow him and Him. I believe God leads Greg. So that makes it easier to follow Greg. Even though I make it difficult for him sometimes. But this I will keep you up to date on.  We are still reading the book and will have an appointment with the clinic as soon as I finish the paperwork. It is time to change my life. I pray to God this works.